Standing in the heart of Fenway Park, surrounded by my classmates, the air was thick with excitement and a sense of accomplishment. I had just moved my tassel from the right to the left, marking my transition from student to a full-fledged graduate. As our caps flew into the air, with the cheers of family and friends echoing off the stadium walls, I felt a profound sense of freedom. For 22 years, my life had been meticulously structured around education.
I had finally graduated, meeting all the necessary grade requirements with no more homework or projects left to do. I was free, yet strangely enough, I didn't feel the relief I had anticipated. Since the ceremony, I've met with relatives who are so proud of me and urge me to revel in my accomplishment. They express how impressed they are that I graduated with a degree in such a rigorous and well-paying field, and praise my intelligence and acknowledge the hard work it took to reach this point. However, all their praises seem to vanish in my eyes when they ask me the dreaded question:
"So, do you have a job yet?"
To put it bluntly, this job market is unforgiving. Due to factors beyond my control, there's a huge hiring freeze, both because of the economy and the oversaturation of new graduates in the field. I originally chose computer science because I had a love for computers and I knew it would provide a decent living. In 2020, when I joined college, even people without a degree in the field were getting jobs thanks to bootcamps or other personal projects. But now, things are different. Job postings have dwindled, and each application I fill out feels like sending a message in a bottle into the ocean, essentially pointless for having people reach out to me. I'm a hardworking person. I like to rise up to challenges. I've revised my resume a dozen times, trying to align it more with the keywords used by companies. I've reached out to recruiters and members of positions I'm interested in, to no response. I send out applications at an extremely fast rate, while also making cover letters for the ones that truly interest me. I've got this job search down to a science. In total, I've probably sent out over 500 applications, yet I can count the number of responses I've received on one hand.
Filling out the same application details day after day has turned into a soul-crushing experience. Entering data that's already on my resume —from employment history to personal statements —feels dehumanizing, as if I'm more of a machine than human. Even just the minimal effort of copying and pasting information I've already provided is enough for me to dread filling out applications, since I already know there's the smallest chance I'll even hear back from them. I feel like Sisyphus with his boulder, trying to make progress but ending up at the same place on the mountain regardless. The worst part about job searching is that it's addictive. It has been completely gamified at this point, trying to find the best positions through a stack of terrible ones. Looking up entry-level roles doesn't always work (LinkedIn is very bad at this; entry-level doesn't mean entry-level at all). It's a huge challenge to find roles that align with my background as a new graduate. It's crazy how difficult it is. And even when things do line up, it can be an exploitative company that asks you to move anywhere around the world and pays you minimum wage. It's a nightmare. But it feels so good when you find the right job that has keywords that line up with your resume or background. Finding a job position that ticks all the simple boxes : close by, matching my degree, and asking for less than three years of experience feels like I've just hit the jackpot on a slot machine. However, I'm also aware that, much like a casino, the house always wins, and my chances of even getting an email back from a job I seemingly qualify for are slim to none.
However, there's one great thing about being unemployed: I'm unemployed! I have complete freedom over my life . I have no commitments, classes, or meetings to attend, no homework to work on, no deadlines, and no worrying about grades. It's a completely unique period in my life where I have total freedom to do anything I want. Yet, it's sad that at such a pivotal point in my life, I'm too consumed by worry about the future to fully enjoy the present. There are so many things I want to pursue: reading books on topics I'm passionate about or have never heard of, writing songs for my band, starting to stream content online, creating a YouTube channel, and even starting a blog to explore my thoughts more deeply. I'm determined to live my life in a balanced way . I want to apply for jobs and preparing for the future, but also making sure to live in the moment. I don't want the job search to dominate my life.
Last week, I visited my girlfriend after a particularly tough day of job searching (yet again, no emails back on any positions I applied for). I collapsed onto her stiff, college-provided dorm bed and broke down into tears. We decided to order from P.F. Chang's, my childhood favorite restaurant, which brought some comfort, even though we were eating cross-legged on her hard floor. As we wrapped up our impromptu floor dinner, she tossed me a fortune cookie. I cracked it open, spilling crumbs onto my lap, and read the message inside:
"Victory is just around the corner."
