yo yo yo yo yo
i'm writing another update because i'm bored and feel like creating something.
a lot's happened since my last post almost 6 months ago. i had my second boxing fight and decided that i'd take an indefinite break from it. i'm so proud that i was able to get in the ring not once but twice, and be able to learn from my first fight and improve on it for my second. i realized that after my second fight that i'd have to take boxing way more seriously if i wanted to get better, and it was already taking up so much of my life. i feel like i did everything i set out to do. not only did i learn how to box, but i made a ton of friends and was able to get out of my comfort zone and step in the ring (which most people can't say they've done). i'm so grateful for the sport and my gym and i'm sure i'll be back into boxing someday.
as for other updates, i basically have a ton of time on my hands now. both quitting boxing along with having a long-term relationship end has given me a lot of time with myself and friends to figure out what my next move is. it feels like i'm 19 again, when i can grow in any way that i want and i can truly choose to pursue whatever i want. but there's so many things that i want to do and it's hard for my ADHD ass to sit down and actually choose something. below are some things that i'm pursuing/interested in pursuing more
1. travel
i literally just got back from a 10 day trip to france and belgium yesterday. i was able to go because one of my friends was running a marathon in paris and invited me to cheer her on. it was super fun, paris is my favorite city i've ever been to and i'm a diehard paris believer until the day i die (fr). can't wait to go back again. i'm thinking about doing a solo trip in september/october, right now taiwan is at the top of the list because it's more affordable than japan (which i'd want to do with a group anways) and has high speed rail all around the place.
2. reading/journaling
this is ironic because my first few videos were about reading/journaling but i've been getting into them more in a different way lately. i've carried a journal around with me a lot more and it helps me deal with day-to-day things that pop up (ex. breaking my boox while traveling). i've also been reading a lot of physical books lately and have been marking them up, which has been nice. my xteink x4 comes in the mail today so i'm looking forward to trying it out (RIP my boox leaf).
3. music
last year my band recorded an album and it's almost done (ik i keep saying that but all we're waiting on is the art). i'm looking forward to uploading it on my youtube channel. after that i want to continue doing more music stuff. i've been trying to "live" a lot more and gain new experiences to write about. i want to get vocal lessons to make me a more well-rounded musician. i also want to start a solo project and release music that way. music's always been the thing i've been most passionate about, and now that i'm taking a break from boxing i'm looking forward to having more time to spend getting back into it.
i'm still unsure if i'll ever really return to youtube. honestly i find a lot of my oldest videos cringey and i think that my newest videos were more closer to my true self, but weren't as authentic as i'd like for them to be. i'm not really sure who i'd be making videos for, i don't have any strong opinions that i want to make videos about right now. i also haven't really been thinking about making videos as a creative outlet for a while. that being said, i'd love to make a video about the xteink x4 when mine comes in, or maybe try out a whole new style of content that's better suited to how i'm feeling right now.
i feel like all of this online stuff is numbing my brain and staring at a screen all day trying to find a new piece of content to watch feels like its destroying my soul (even when its creators that i really like). i still feel like this niche doesn't have a lot of depth, it's pretty clear that social media bad and you should delete it and that's basically it. i want to pivot into something that makes me get a feeling across or inspires people instead of telling them what i did and suggesting that they try it.
i think overall i'm pretty optimistic about things. i'm most excited about continuing to learn more about myself and hopefully create something along the way. i want to challenge myself to write a song each week (or maybe just creating some piece of creative media). i'd love to figure out how i can use my existing youtube channel and make something that people like me would enjoy and inspire them.
if you're reading this i appreciate it! maybe blog posts like this one are like videos that i'd like to make in the future. we'll see. i don't really use discord anymore, but i still use goodreads if you want to see more frequent updates about me
peace!\ -cam